Into Me You See

Letter to my daughter – 15 years ago, on this date, I was preparing to welcome you to the world after feeling you grow, close to my heart, for 39 weeks. I remember being overjoyed the day the doctor confirmed you would be a baby girl because deep down I already knew. So, as I laid on the surgery table, I waited patiently for your arrival.  Hearing your first cry as you made your presence known, holding you in my arms for the first time and breathing you in was like a piece of me that was missing had finally been found. I had prayed for this moment for so long. My princess, my mini me.  I remember your first sound, your first giggle, the first time you sat up, the first time you crawled and then right before your 1 st  birthday our world was shaken when we were given the news that would have us in the biggest fight of our lives. The hospital would be our second home for the first three years of your life. How ironic that it was in a hospital where you took your first breat...

“One day at a time, remember that. You just survive one day at a time.” (H.J. Bellus)  And this what I keep telling myself, especially as certain dates keep creeping up. Three years ago, our lives where shattered with what the doctors told us.  So much has happened since that day. It will be three years this May that we had to part with Nayelis. I still feel her here with me, and at times I hear her voice calling out to me. She lives because she lives in my heart.  Today also marks 12 weeks. 12 weeks of life growing with me. Blessed beyond belief, and while excitement overwhelms me, I am also reminding myself that this baby will not be replacing my beautiful Nayelis. This baby will know about his or her courageous sister, who I am sure hand picked this perfect being growing inside of me.