Into Me You See

Letter to my daughter – 15 years ago, on this date, I was preparing to welcome you to the world after feeling you grow, close to my heart, for 39 weeks. I remember being overjoyed the day the doctor confirmed you would be a baby girl because deep down I already knew. So, as I laid on the surgery table, I waited patiently for your arrival.  Hearing your first cry as you made your presence known, holding you in my arms for the first time and breathing you in was like a piece of me that was missing had finally been found. I had prayed for this moment for so long. My princess, my mini me.  I remember your first sound, your first giggle, the first time you sat up, the first time you crawled and then right before your 1 st  birthday our world was shaken when we were given the news that would have us in the biggest fight of our lives. The hospital would be our second home for the first three years of your life. How ironic that it was in a hospital where you took your first breat...

There is not a moment in time that I don’t remember myself as being overweight. As a kid, I was always the biggest of my siblings, the biggest in my classes, and the biggest in my circle of friends. As you can imagine, I’ve always struggled with my weight. My earliest memory of realizing how much more I weighed than the other girls in my circle was in the 6th grade. It was June 1993 to be more specific. We were getting ready for my 6th grade commencement, so we had to go clothes shopping, especially because I was giving a speech as 6th grade valedictorian. I can recall not being able to shop in the regular girl/juniors sections. I had to head over the “old people” section as I used to call it because it was older women who shopped in that area. There was nothing CUTE in that section. I had to settle for something that fit, rather something I actually wanted to wear – not a very good feeling. That’s when it all started.   I remember that summer going to my annual physical and d...

Because I matter too, I have to learn to take care of myself the same way I take care of others.  As the oldest child of eight in the home, I was shaped to be a caretaker.  Take care of the household.  Take care of my siblings.  Take care of everyone and everything, but I wasn't taught to make sure I took care of myself the same way.  Fast forward 20+ years later, I find myself overwhelmed with life.  I am a wife and mother of 3, and one of the 3 now resides in my heart until I can hold her in my arms again.  Life has happened, and I have left myself float alongside of it. Sometimes just doing anything and everything to keep me busy, and keep me from thinking.  Just two months ago, I gave birth to this beautiful and precious baby boy. He is our rainbow of hope after the storm my family has been through. He's a blessing our angel has sent our way.  But little did I know that his arrival would cause so many bottled emotio...