Into Me You See

You are so strong.  Or I don't know how you do it. This is what I am often told when they learn about what I have been through.  But, what do you say to that? How do you respond?  I mean, sometimes I just give a smile; and sometimes I say I had/have no other choice.  and when I think about it, I guess I do have a choice. I can let it consume me and break down, which I do at times, and just drown myself in my sorrows. Or I can use it as fuel to keep pushing.  Keep pushing.  When you have little ones, you have to keep going.  I can't check out on them. I have to be present for them, for my family, for me.  Life is always going to throw curveballs your way.  It's up to you to decide if you are going to let it define you or refine you.  If you fall, get right back up and keep pushing.  There's no shame in that.  Use your struggles to strengthen you.  Learn from your mistakes.  Like Stev...

What's my story?  I've battled obesity since I was a child. I've tried all kinds of fad diets through out the years because I wanted that quick fix, not realizing that yes I lost some weight fast, but I also gained it back fast because it was not a consistent plan. Many of you know may know I lost my daughter three years ago. Her loss impacted me in many ways, including my health. At first it was a roller coaster full of highs and lows. I used food to comfort me at my lows, further making my fight that much harder. I just had a baby boy two months ago, and with the joy some struggle has also come as I tried to deal with many emotions I have pushed back these past few years. I knew I had to do something for my health as I now had two little ones to keep pushing forward for. That's where Beachbody came in. I wanted to try something that I knew would challenge me and would be consistent. Having a new baby at home makes it hard to go to the gym. The 21 day fix program allow...

Because I matter too, I have to learn to take care of myself the same way I take care of others.  As the oldest child of eight in the home, I was shaped to be a caretaker.  Take care of the household.  Take care of my siblings.  Take care of everyone and everything, but I wasn't taught to make sure I took care of myself the same way.  Fast forward 20+ years later, I find myself overwhelmed with life.  I am a wife and mother of 3, and one of the 3 now resides in my heart until I can hold her in my arms again.  Life has happened, and I have left myself float alongside of it. Sometimes just doing anything and everything to keep me busy, and keep me from thinking.  Just two months ago, I gave birth to this beautiful and precious baby boy. He is our rainbow of hope after the storm my family has been through. He's a blessing our angel has sent our way.  But little did I know that his arrival would cause so many bottled emotio...

Love. ləv/ noun 1. an intense feeling of deep affection. "babies fill parents with intense feelings of love" synonyms:  deep affection, fondness, tenderness, warmth, intimacy, attachment, endearment;  There are many different types of love. The love you have for a parent, sibling or family member.  The love of/for a friend or a pet. The love for life.  The love for your soulmate, your significant other, your other half.  Then there is the love for your child.  A child you carry within you for 9 months, technically 10.  The one to teach you what unconditional love is.   The one who you will move heaven and earth for to make sure he/she is safe.  The one you put before yourself in any situation because life is  No longer about you, but about him/her.  There is also the love of a child.  A one of a kind love, one with no conditions, no pretense, no judgement.  One that is always and forever.  It has no boundaries, it has...

“One day at a time, remember that. You just survive one day at a time.” (H.J. Bellus)  And this what I keep telling myself, especially as certain dates keep creeping up. Three years ago, our lives where shattered with what the doctors told us.  So much has happened since that day. It will be three years this May that we had to part with Nayelis. I still feel her here with me, and at times I hear her voice calling out to me. She lives because she lives in my heart.  Today also marks 12 weeks. 12 weeks of life growing with me. Blessed beyond belief, and while excitement overwhelms me, I am also reminding myself that this baby will not be replacing my beautiful Nayelis. This baby will know about his or her courageous sister, who I am sure hand picked this perfect being growing inside of me. 

Breathe. Deep breath. Let it out slowly. Something that I've had to remind myself to do lately because with everything that has happened I feel like I'm suffocating. Drowning with in, yet I have to grasp on to the surface to be able to continue. Continue living. Living for a purpose. I have to live for my son, who at such a young age has to had to endure the loss of his best friend, his sister. I find myself watching him like a hawk these days. Trying to see if I can somehow read what's playing through his mind. His eyes wander off often into deep thought, and every time I ask him if he's ok, his reply consists of "just thinking of Beba". and that makes my heart hurt even more. Because if it's so hard for me to understand why things happen, I can imagine how he must be feeling, not understanding why his sister had to go away leaving him here alone...trying to understand why is it that she won't be coming back, and we have to wait until it's ou...

January 20, 2010: An Invitation For you... Inviting you to come and take a swim deep inside of me, and navigate the crevices and make sure not one is left undiscovered...make sure to be prepared to be taken to a point of no return and to be left a in a complete state of bliss... ...let us connect the dots and imagine of a world unknown to others where only you and I take residence on this particular moment...a world where all inhibitions are left behind and the only thing mattering is what we are about to find... January 21, 2010: If I could... If I could, I would... Would turn back the hands in time, and try to make it right all over again. Would let the truth be known before  the unknown would lead to the end the end of what was fought for from the get go the reality that  you and I were getting to know that even though I loved you so you and I could be no more... If I could I would... Would move the mountains and swim the ...