Into Me You See

January 20, 2010: An Invitation For you... Inviting you to come and take a swim deep inside of me, and navigate the crevices and make sure not one is left undiscovered...make sure to be prepared to be taken to a point of no return and to be left a in a complete state of bliss... ...let us connect the dots and imagine of a world unknown to others where only you and I take residence on this particular moment...a world where all inhibitions are left behind and the only thing mattering is what we are about to find... January 21, 2010: If I could... If I could, I would... Would turn back the hands in time, and try to make it right all over again. Would let the truth be known before  the unknown would lead to the end the end of what was fought for from the get go the reality that  you and I were getting to know that even though I loved you so you and I could be no more... If I could I would... Would move the mountains and swim the ...

Ever find yourself always being there for those you love and those who need you. Whether it's family, friends, or even complete strangers? You would do anything in your power to help in whatever way you can, even if it's just something as simple as a message to bring upon a smile? Ok. I am sure we all have been there. Now, tell me one thing. When you are in a predicament where you need someone, whether its to lend a helping hand, to talk, or just even a hug ... how many of you find yourself feeling ALONE. With no one around to ask if you need anything, or to just be there. True what they say. You know who your friends are when you are in the most difficult situations. The bandages are removed from your eyes and true colors are revealed. The individuals that you believed will always be there for you are the ones who don't even bother checking up on you. But yet, look for you when, of course, they need something from you! That's when you realize certain things. Fo...

It's being willing to walk away that gives you strength and power - if you're willing to accept the consequences of doing what you want to do. - Whoopi Goldberg If this were the case...

It's past midnight and I am still up. This has been a reoccurring thing for me lately. Everyone is sound asleep, yet I can't go to sleep. So much on my mind, so many things to do. So much I want to say, yet I'm afraid to open up in fear that I will open a floodgate to the tears that I've been trying to hold in for so long. Many tell me that I need to relax and take things one thing at a time. I look at them, nod and smile. Yet, inside I am screaming at the top of my lungs. "Shut the fuck up! You don't know what I'm living. You don't know what I'm feeling."  Everyday I open my eyes, yet I want to keep them close. I want to force myself to keep dreaming and not wake up to this reality I live. Where I get the strength to live this way, I have no clue. Wait, maybe I do. My two monkeys.  My lil' man. My sunshine. Who just turned 5 years old, but has had to grow up faster than what I would have wanted him to. Who has to go days and wee...

How dare you creep up on us like that like you had no damn sense.  Slowly trying to take all control  and breaking everything apart.  FUCK YOU .  For the roller coaster ride you continue to put us through.  For the tears that keep coming down.  For the nights without sleep.  FUCK YOU.  For my baby girl who continues to fight your battle.  For my little boy who’s had to grow up at a faster pace.  For the sanity that I am about to lose.  FUCK YOU three times harder.

That is exactly what life is! A cycle  that never ends. No matter how much you think you have surpassed the past you find yourself going through the same motions over and over again... And I say this because today I was going through my work email, and I came across and email that I sent myself in 2007... FOUR years ago! And it was a piece of writing that I had written in that moment. Reading it brought me back to then, yet it reflected somewhat where I am now. Crazy, I thought to myself. How is it that with all that has passed and all that I've experienced I am still in the same place?! Could it be that, instead of moving forward, I moved in a circle? Or could it be that I didn't move at all? That I was still stuck in the same place ... both physically and mentally? So confusing that's what this all is! I figured I will share the piece of writing that has me feeling this way. Enjoy! Caught up in the drama… The one I always try to steer away from. Don’t want to get...

To fall head over heels love with all your heart yet don't know how to let go once they decide to part? To forgive and forget the many tears shed to accept that fact that maybe you were misled? ... ... ... ... ... I find myself struggling with letting go ... Six years, two kids and memories to last infinity and beyond... Many are quick to say "I told you so" Put yourself in my shoes and see if You can make it past the feelings that don't' belong... Lost. Empty & Alone. Is it possible?