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Oops! I did it again...

I went and did a Britney. 
No, I did not have a meltdown, though at times I feel as though I am on the verge one. 
Stress does it to you; It is a natural part of being a human - it's unavoidable.

According to google:

stress stres/ noun  1. a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances. "she's obviously under a lot of stress" synonyms:strain, pressure, (nervous) tension, worry, anxiety, trouble, difficulty; informalhassle "she's under a lot of stress
A few weeks ago, while on Pinterest during lunch, I searched short hair cuts. 
Yes, I was thinking of going short again. 
One of the reasons being that I had chunks of hair falling out on a daily basis. Seeing those chunks caused my stress levels to increase. 

You now probably figured out what I did.
If you guessed, cut my hair off, then you are correct.
I scheduled the appointment and didn't think about it twice.

Oh how liberating it was to feel the weight being…
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I look away  but not before stealing a glimpse of the reflection staring back  Sad brown eyes full of pain and sorrow  lies of yesterday  and worries of tomorrow unanswered questions prancer in my head like ballerina dancers pirouetting in never ending circles challenging  who I was then  and who I am now at one point  young and naive  so quick to believe  and so easy to deceive falling for everything  and yet now everything is falling apart. a part of then  still lingers within and mingles with  what has become and no one knows  what it really is things aren't always  what they seem to be too caught up to really see  the turmoil inside of me.

Journal Writing

Journals: who here still has their old ones? Who here still writes in one? Just came across one of my old journals dated 4/2001-4/2003 ... Reading through it, recognizing how much I've grown, yet also seeing how some things just don't change.

Here's an old piece:

Emotionally naked
I stand before you
As I unveil
Piece by piece
Every layer of insecurity that conceal the self I like to call me.

Shameful thoughts
Mixed emotions
Secret desires
Flowing through my ocean
Waves clashing
Voices asking
Why am I still standing before you as my world begins unmasking?

Intentionally used
Mentally abused
Falsely accused.
Not guilty I plead
As my soul is being imprisoned.

I stand before you
Slowly exposing
The mental illustration
Hiding in disguise
Underneath this coverup image.
The sincere smile
The untainted look
The high level of self confidence
That along with my innocence you took.

Feeling like a hit and run
Helpless and deserted.
Banking in and cashing out
As I stand before you, do …

This is me ...

Hola! For those who don’t know me, I am Yvette! I am a mother, wife, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, but most importantly, I am ME. I have a love for reading and writing, long walks, and taking pictures. I am a family type of girl, meaning my family comes before anything and everything. Family – the ones meant to love and be there for you through it all. Because you don’t walk out on family, even when they walk out on you. They say it’s taboo to talk about domestic violence and sexual assault, yet it happens. I won’t say I am a victim, but I will say I am a survivor. I am not what has happened to me. I am what I choose to become. Life has been a bit rough, but it has also given me many blessings. I’ve learned to smile through the tears, and appreciate the gift of love. I’ve learned to be strong even when I’ve had every reason to crumble. I have fallen, but like Maya, I will continue to rise.


Here's my throwback Thursday picture for you. My UCONN Class of 2003 pictures. As I look at this picture I see a shy girl, unsure of herself, who was yet still trying to fit in. The smile she wore hid the the many insecurities that made up who she was. Yes, she was proud of overcoming the the obstacles presented to her, but she was still unhappy about who she was. Yes, she had many friends who loved her, but she was still struggling with loving herself. If I could go back in time, I will show her what I've learned since then. Tell her she is worthy and beautiful just the way she is. 

my reason

As I'm sitting in the car with my little man, he goes and says to me: "Mommy, do you want to know why you inspire me?" 
I look at him and ask him why. 
Nandy says, "You inspire me because I see how hard you are working to getting healthy. You are so skinny now (I laugh at this) and you have done it by eating healthier, drinking Shakeology and exercising at home. I love you so much." 
Listening to him say this to me not only squeezed my heart, but it also opened my eyes. He really does pay attention to the things I do and the things I say. Little does he know how much he inspires me! For a ten year old to have lost his best friend/sister at such a young age, it's been tough on him, but he's managed to keep growing and loving despite it all. He's my reason to keep getting up when life knocks me down. For him and Neymar I will continue to push forward. I will honor the promise I made to Nayelis: I will continue to fight despite what comes my way. So bring…

No one told me.

"What makes a parent, I understood at that moment, is not so much genetics, but all the other things you give. Anyone can be a parent, but to be a mom or a dad, that takes years of giving with no thought of getting." (Unknown) 
When you are a kid, everyone tends to ask the infamous question: What do you want to be when you grow up? 
For me that was easy, I wanted to be a teacher. I wanted to work with kids of all ages and teach them the wonders of the world. I would practice on my brothers and sisters, and let me tell you, there were plenty of them! I was the oldest of eight children at home at one point. 
...I remember living on Maple Street in Bridgeport, first floor apartment. Our family had access to the basement, and I remember my parents putting an old couch down there and other extras we had around the house. I remember them getting their hands on a huge green chalkboard for me and putting it in the basement as well. It was all I needed to make my "classroom" o…