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Thursday, April 14, 2011

A never ending cycle ...

That is exactly what life is!
A cycle  that never ends. No matter how much you think you have surpassed the past
you find yourself going through the same motions over and over again...
And I say this because today I was going through my work email, and I came across and email that I sent myself in 2007... FOUR years ago! And it was a piece of writing that I had written in that moment. Reading it brought me back to then, yet it reflected somewhat where I am now.
Crazy, I thought to myself. How is it that with all that has passed and all that I've experienced I am still in the same place?! Could it be that, instead of moving forward, I moved in a circle? Or could it be that I didn't move at all? That I was still stuck in the same place ... both physically and mentally? So confusing that's what this all is!
I figured I will share the piece of writing that has me feeling this way.

Caught up in the drama…
The one I always try to steer away from.
Don’t want to get myself entangled in a web
Of seduction, temptation and deceiving…
That’s not me.
Not me at all.
Funny how we say we should practice what we preach.
Many a times, we find ourselves in awkward situations
And yet,
We find no explanations for why we are there.
That’s where I’m at right now.
No explanation or so I think.
Reasons are found beyond explanations.
Aren’t they the same though?
Yes. That’s me.
Letting myself go uncontrollably
Within the hidden meanings of words equating total chaos.
Allowing me to lose control of myself
In the eyes of seduction
Trying to wonder if real eyes can see into me
And realize the intimacy
Spoken through my own eyes.
Where my own eyes
Fail to see the road ahead of me,
An unexpected journey
Luring this being into a world not only of
Enticement, butterflies and excitement
But also one full of guilt, shame and regret
We are told never to regret
Because all happens for a reason…
But in a quick minute,
Something takes over, and
All changes and we forget
What is right from what is wrong
And we let ourselves fall into
What feels right in that once instance.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Is it possible ... ?

To fall head over heels
love with all your heart
yet don't know how to let go
once they decide to part?

To forgive and forget
the many tears shed
to accept that fact
that maybe you were misled?

... ... ... ... ...

I find myself struggling with letting go ...
Six years, two kids and memories to last
infinity and beyond...
Many are quick to say "I told you so"
Put yourself in my shoes and see if You can make it past
the feelings that don't' belong...

Empty & Alone.
Is it possible?

Friday, April 1, 2011

Embracing changes ...

1st day of April!
Starting the countdown for many things...
One in particular ... My 30th Birthday at the end of this month!
To think about it is to feel another gray hair coming out! (Yes, I have a few of those already!) Some may say it's the stress, but I want to refer to them as a proof of living ... of allowing myself to experience the good with the bad.
I am not sure how to feel about entering a new decade in a matter of weeks ... I mean, changes are about the only permanent things in one's life... Yet, I'm overwhelmed by just the number 30! That's normal though, right?

To think that just maybe I am not where I should be with myself is scary in itself. I mean, looking back to where I came from, I've come a long way, but at the same time I've managed to remain the same person ...

I've been known to be called "Revolucion" ... a revolution ... bringing about a change in everything that I do. Allowing myself to transform into who I am needed to be in each situation I find myself in.  Now, I just have to find the inner strength in me to just flow with the fact that maybe turning 30 will be the revolution in myself ... exploring what's out there and finding myself, and not holding back on any changes that may come out in the process.

So -
Come on 30'ies ... Bring it on!