A never ending cycle ...

That is exactly what life is!
A cycle that never ends. No matter how much you think you have surpassed the past
you find yourself going through the same motions over and over again...
And I say this because today I was going through my work email, and I came across and email that I sent myself in 2007... FOUR years ago! And it was a piece of writing that I had written in that moment. Reading it brought me back to then, yet it reflected somewhat where I am now.
Crazy, I thought to myself. How is it that with all that has passed and all that I've experienced I am still in the same place?! Could it be that, instead of moving forward, I moved in a circle? Or could it be that I didn't move at all? That I was still stuck in the same place ... both physically and mentally? So confusing that's what this all is!
I figured I will share the piece of writing that has me feeling this way.
Enjoy!

Caught up in the drama…

The one I always try to steer away from.

Don’t want to get myself entangled in a web

Of seduction, temptation and deceiving…

That’s not me.

Not me at all.

Funny how we say we should practice what we preach.

Yet.

Many a times, we find ourselves in awkward situations

And yet,

We find no explanations for why we are there.

That’s where I’m at right now.

No explanation or so I think.

Reasons are found beyond explanations.

Aren’t they the same though?

Crazy.

Yes. That’s me.

Letting myself go uncontrollably

Within the hidden meanings of words equating total chaos.

Allowing me to lose control of myself

In the eyes of seduction

Trying to wonder if real eyes can see into me

And realize the intimacy

Spoken through my own eyes.

Where my own eyes

Fail to see the road ahead of me,

An unexpected journey

Luring this being into a world not only of

Enticement, butterflies and excitement

But also one full of guilt, shame and regret

We are told never to regret

Because all happens for a reason…

But in a quick minute,

Something takes over, and

All changes and we forget

What is right from what is wrong

And we let ourselves fall into

What feels right in that once instance.

Comments

Oops! I did it again...

I went and did a Britney.
No, I did not have a meltdown, though at times I feel as though I am on the verge one.
Stress does it to you; It is a natural part of being a human - it's unavoidable.

According to google:

stress stres/ noun 1. a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances. "she's obviously under a lot of stress" synonyms:strain, pressure, (nervous) tension, worry, anxiety, trouble, difficulty; informalhassle "she's under a lot of stress
A few weeks ago, while on Pinterest during lunch, I searched short hair cuts.
Yes, I was thinking of going short again.
One of the reasons being that I had chunks of hair falling out on a daily basis. Seeing those chunks caused my stress levels to increase.

You now probably figured out what I did.
If you guessed, cut my hair off, then you are correct.
I scheduled the appointment and didn't think about it twice.

Oh how liberating it was to feel the weight being…

Reflections

I look away but not before stealing a glimpse of the reflection staring back Sad brown eyes full of pain and sorrow lies of yesterday and worries of tomorrow unanswered questions prancer in my head like ballerina dancers pirouetting in never ending circles challenging who I was then and who I am now at one point young and naive so quick to believe and so easy to deceive falling for everything and yet now everything is falling apart. a part of then still lingers within and mingles with what has become and no one knows what it really is things aren't always what they seem to be too caught up to really see the turmoil inside of me.

This is me ...

Hola! For those who don’t know me, I am Yvette! I am a mother, wife, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, but most importantly, I am ME. I have a love for reading and writing, long walks, and taking pictures. I am a family type of girl, meaning my family comes before anything and everything. Family – the ones meant to love and be there for you through it all. Because you don’t walk out on family, even when they walk out on you. They say it’s taboo to talk about domestic violence and sexual assault, yet it happens. I won’t say I am a victim, but I will say I am a survivor. I am not what has happened to me. I am what I choose to become. Life has been a bit rough, but it has also given me many blessings. I’ve learned to smile through the tears, and appreciate the gift of love. I’ve learned to be strong even when I’ve had every reason to crumble. I have fallen, but like Maya, I will continue to rise.

Into Me You See

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