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Deep breath. Let it out slowly.
Something that I've had to remind myself to do lately because with everything that has happened I feel like I'm suffocating. Drowning with in, yet I have to grasp on to the surface to be able to continue.
Continue living. Living for a purpose. I have to live for my son, who at such a young age has to had to endure the loss of his best friend, his sister. I find myself watching him like a hawk these days. Trying to see if I can somehow read what's playing through his mind. His eyes wander off often into deep thought, and every time I ask him if he's ok, his reply consists of "just thinking of Beba".

and that makes my heart hurt even more. Because if it's so hard for me to understand why things happen, I can imagine how he must be feeling, not understanding why his sister had to go away leaving him here alone...trying to understand why is it that she won't be coming back, and we have to wait until it's our turn to part. They say kids are resilient, and handle tough situations better than we expect them too. But somehow, it doesn't make it any easier for them to accept what has happened.

Next month will mark her two year "anniversary" of not being with us. May 5th to be exact. Yet, I don't understand how it's already been two years. Two years and I am still here breathing. I am here living, even though my heart is broken, not beating as it should. This morning, I had to sit in the car for nearly 15 minutes before coming in to work in order to compose myself. Tears strolled down my face, and my lungs felt as they were being crushed slowly. I miss my daughter. :(


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Oops! I did it again...

I went and did a Britney. 
No, I did not have a meltdown, though at times I feel as though I am on the verge one. 
Stress does it to you; It is a natural part of being a human - it's unavoidable.

According to google:

stress stres/ noun  1. a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances. "she's obviously under a lot of stress" synonyms:strain, pressure, (nervous) tension, worry, anxiety, trouble, difficulty; informalhassle "she's under a lot of stress
A few weeks ago, while on Pinterest during lunch, I searched short hair cuts. 
Yes, I was thinking of going short again. 
One of the reasons being that I had chunks of hair falling out on a daily basis. Seeing those chunks caused my stress levels to increase. 

You now probably figured out what I did.
If you guessed, cut my hair off, then you are correct.
I scheduled the appointment and didn't think about it twice.

Oh how liberating it was to feel the weight being…


I look away  but not before stealing a glimpse of the reflection staring back  Sad brown eyes full of pain and sorrow  lies of yesterday  and worries of tomorrow unanswered questions prancer in my head like ballerina dancers pirouetting in never ending circles challenging  who I was then  and who I am now at one point  young and naive  so quick to believe  and so easy to deceive falling for everything  and yet now everything is falling apart. a part of then  still lingers within and mingles with  what has become and no one knows  what it really is things aren't always  what they seem to be too caught up to really see  the turmoil inside of me.

This is me ...

Hola! For those who don’t know me, I am Yvette! I am a mother, wife, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, but most importantly, I am ME. I have a love for reading and writing, long walks, and taking pictures. I am a family type of girl, meaning my family comes before anything and everything. Family – the ones meant to love and be there for you through it all. Because you don’t walk out on family, even when they walk out on you. They say it’s taboo to talk about domestic violence and sexual assault, yet it happens. I won’t say I am a victim, but I will say I am a survivor. I am not what has happened to me. I am what I choose to become. Life has been a bit rough, but it has also given me many blessings. I’ve learned to smile through the tears, and appreciate the gift of love. I’ve learned to be strong even when I’ve had every reason to crumble. I have fallen, but like Maya, I will continue to rise.