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In my feelings.



Ever have a random conversation with someone, and you walk away you have what feels like rocks in the pit of your stomach and a knot in your throat for no apparent reason? 
I mean the conversation was a no brainer; nothing meant to cause those feelings. 
Yet, I had to fight back the tears that were patiently waiting to be released. 

When I was living in Florida in 2012, I came across a saying that I didn't much get at the moment. People used to say how they were "in their feelings" and I would just think it was a down South thing because this North East girl had no clue as to what was being said. 

But now I say that I must be in my feelings. 
I am feeling a bit fragile and it's impacting everything around me. 
A conversation with someone, a book I'm reading, a series I am watching, a song I am listening to... They are about to ignite the explosion to these emotions I am harboring.  
Ever since I can remember, I have always been one to be in touch with my feelings. 
"Oh, you are too sentimental" I was once told. 
When asked how I am doing, I tend to say that I am okay. 
There is no way I can explain to someone else how I am feeling if at times I do not understand it myself. It is much easier to nod my head and smile as I say "yes, I am okay". 
Trying my best to hold the strong front; though, inside I feel it slowly slipping away. 

In the mean time, I need to remind myself that it is okay to be able to let the guard down. 
It is okay to cry the tears imprisoned. 
It is okay to scream the thousand screams that have been suppressed as the years have passed. 
It is okay to just be in my feelings. 


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Hola! For those who don’t know me, I am Yvette! I am a mother, wife, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, but most importantly, I am ME. I have a love for reading and writing, long walks, and taking pictures. I am a family type of girl, meaning my family comes before anything and everything. Family – the ones meant to love and be there for you through it all. Because you don’t walk out on family, even when they walk out on you. They say it’s taboo to talk about domestic violence and sexual assault, yet it happens. I won’t say I am a victim, but I will say I am a survivor. I am not what has happened to me. I am what I choose to become. Life has been a bit rough, but it has also given me many blessings. I’ve learned to smile through the tears, and appreciate the gift of love. I’ve learned to be strong even when I’ve had every reason to crumble. I have fallen, but like Maya, I will continue to rise.