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Journal Writing

Journals: who here still has their old ones? Who here still writes in one? Just came across one of my old journals dated 4/2001-4/2003 ... Reading through it, recognizing how much I've grown, yet also seeing how some things just don't change.

Here's an old piece:

Emotionally naked
I stand before you
As I unveil
Piece by piece
Every layer of insecurity that conceal the self I like to call me.

Shameful thoughts
Mixed emotions
Secret desires
Flowing through my ocean
Waves clashing
Voices asking
Why am I still standing before you as my world begins unmasking?

Intentionally used
Mentally abused
Falsely accused.
Not guilty I plead
As my soul is being imprisoned.

I stand before you
Slowly exposing
The mental illustration
Hiding in disguise
Underneath this coverup image.
The sincere smile
The untainted look
The high level of self confidence
That along with my innocence you took.

Feeling like a hit and run
Helpless and deserted.
Banking in and cashing out
As I stand before you, do you know what I'm taking about?

The yelling, pulling and shoving.
Me crying, pushing and longing.
For my vulnerability was at war
With the blinded mentality
Asking myself
Why am I still here?

But if only you knew.
The nights I've spent crying
Little by little
Emotionally dying
Tears dropping
Living in terror
As I fears for my sanity
Not understanding why.

I trusted, loved and believed.
Yet I was used, neglected and deceived
With words being slowly injected
Releasing unheard screams
As I was being mentally molested.

Emotionally naked
I stand before you
As I unveil
Piece by piece
Every layer of insecurity that conceal the self I like to call me.

Circa Fall 2002

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